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The Minivan Wars: Moms Against Minivans
I originally began to research this article because I was in the market for a new car. As a mom of four kids, I was being advised to buy a minivan. With so much fervor that I found myself bristling. I decided to speak to some other moms of multiple kids about their car choices, what drives them, and how they felt about the minivan. Did I ever get an earful! My quest led me to the discovery that there was a underground battle going on in the Mom Community. I call it "The Minivan Wars".
In this installment of our three part series, I headed out to the resistance front. I found myself entrenched with some friendly rebels. Their flag flies high with regard to this war, and it says:
Over My Dead Body
My sampled group of mini-van averse moms were rather vehement. You would not catch them cruising the mall parking lot at the wheel of a mini van. Ever. Not even if hell froze over or they had a fourth kid. All of them seemed to share the sentiment that minivans were the harbinger of the beginning of the end. The flat shoe-ed, sweatpanted, three inch rooted equivalent of "letting yourself go".
Image is Everything
Beth Butler of Boca Beth ditched her minivan years ago when she discovered her husband was cheating on her. Since then she's never looked back. She told me,
"I since split with that husband, found a new amazing guy and have a third child and my psyche only allows me to now drive cool, hip cars that also allow for room for all three children - a Chrysler Sebring Convertible. I am on my 3rd one now."
Several single moms expressed horror at the notion of showing up on a blind date in a minivan. What could be worse than saying "look for me... in the silver minivan"?
All The Garbage
Other moms who shied away from the seemingly-vain hatred minivan bias seemed to view the minivan as another sign of conspicuous consumption. Do we really need so much space? What for? What is all this "stuff" that we need to constantly schlep with us? Jean Dolan, a mom of three young boys, said of her Volvo Station wagon,
"Perhaps we don’t pack as much “stuff” when we go on vacation – just an umbrella stroller or two, no wagons or mega-strollers. We’re very happy with our station wagon, and since we never owned a minivan, we don’t miss what we don’t need."
Katja Presnal, owner of Skimbaco and mom of 3, is another Volvo fan. She turned her vehicle purchase into the perfect excuse for a family vacation. She's been all over Europe and the US with her Volvo and still feels the love.
"We found out that Volvo offers free flight tickets to Sweden if you pick up a new car from there, and we were really tempted with this offer... We have travelled light, we had to get rid of the strollers, and just carried kids or used a sling to carry our youngest one, since there was no way we could have fit a stroller in the car for the long trips."
Comfort is Overrated
But what of the conveniences of sliding doors and power hatches and DVD players? Author of "Rebel Without a Minivan" Tracy Beckerman admitted to a little tiny twinge of envy.
Although I only have two kids, I routinely have at least five in the car, and a dog, and sometimes a bearded dragon and chinchilla as well. We got a seven passenger SUV to handle the load, but I have to admit, I do occasionally have minivan envy when I see my friends simply push a button and watch the side passenger doors slide open so the kids can easily dismount (unlike in my car where they have to do Olympic-worthy feats of gymnastics to get up and over the seats and out the door.).
Tracy told us, however, that she quickly got over her minivan envy when she succumbed to peer pressure and went to her local dealership to check out the latest fully loaded minivan model.
"... we moved to the 'burbs from New York City and had these desperate hopes of retaining some vestiges of the hip, cool people we had been before we had kids...Bowing to peer pressure, we slunk off to one car dealership to look at one of the top of the line minivans. As we waited to examine the floor model, the side doors slid open and a pregnant mom with perfectly coiffed hair wearing a pink and green jumper climbed out of the car, followed by four kids under the ages of five (also dressed in varying combinations of pink and green). "This minivan is PERFECT for us," she announced to the salesman. "It fits us to a T!" At that moment, I knew I would never own a minivan."
Willing To Make Sacrifices:
Most minivan-less moms do not consider the lack of sliding doors and dvd entertainment systems a sacrifice. Are we really that lazy that we cannot open a door or fill our motoring hours with conversation? Occasionally,however, seating in their sedans and SUV's can get a little tight. That is something they are willing to deal with. Ursula vonRydingsvard said of her Honda Pilot,
"The big caveat is when we drive upstate for the weekends. There is no place for the dog... So she has to literally sit on top of my 9 yr old daughter in the back row."
Writer Julie Marsh of Cool Mom Picks, tells us that her daughter gets a workout getting in and out of her SUV, but that's just fine with her. She agrees with other moms that kids are flexible.
"We have a 2006 Toyota Highlander Hybrid. We needed a vehicle that would accommodate a rear-facing infant seat, a toddler seat and a booster. So it was either a three-row SUV or a minivan… It's a very utilitarian vehicle, but that's best for me with three little kids in tow - I don't stress out over the messes they make. It's definitely not easy to get into that third row though, since the car seats in the second row don't allow for entry that way. Tacy has to climb over the back of the seat, which isn't too difficult for a six year-old”
Mom on the go Amie Adams may not be six years old any more but she was willing to take one for the team recently as well.
"I have three boys, their father and all of their baseball gear to haul around. Forget inviting friends to go with us. I actually sat in the far back among batting nets and sundry baseball gear (with my crutches) for a half hour trip downtown the other day just so we could bring a friend along and not take two cars."
Why They Just Won't Give In
Ultimately, the lack of extra seating for their kid's friends, or even their own entire family, is not a big concern for some moms. They don't feel that they should have to sacrifice their own comfort and and image for the sake of outdated societal notions. Paula Baldoni, a mom of three who loves her Mini Cooper, reports that it just doesn't make sense for her to drive solo to work in a bigger vehicle on a daily basis.
I drive a lot - I want my car to handle well and be fun to drive. Vans are not fun. Vans seem to declare one's "motherhood." I love my kids, they are the center of my world obviously, but I'm not "just a mom." I'm a creative professional and driving a van just doesn't fit that picture.
Ironically, when we asked Paula about how she got her whole family somewhere, all at once, she fessed up about her husband's ride. You guessed it. He drives a minivan. She defends him, saying,
Men driving vans is different. It declares their commitment to family and it's an attractive thing!
It's clear from the reaction we got from so many women that a car is not just a car. For many of us it is an extension of our selves and we are often all too painfully aware of the way that we are perceived and judged, based on our vehicles. For a woman with a career, there is a genuine fear that minivans flag you not only as uncool, but unprofessional, and "just a mom". In this case, the Minivan Wars are a material manifestion of the Mommy Wars.
It's not just our generation that struggles with this. Some of us have inherited this car/role fear. Julie Marsh traced her own minivan hatred back to her own mom.
"I think I inherited my aversion to minivans. When I was a kid, all the moms drove station wagons. My mother hated station wagons on principle. Fast forward thirty years - all the moms drive minivans, and so I hate minivans. I hate the assumption that since I'm a mom, I'm going to drive a minivan."
Listening to all these arguments, I found myself smiling and nodding. I could relate to each of the moms I chatted with, and found myself fearing the reaction I might have driving up to a professional event in the ultimate family car. But still, I have four children I need to transport on a daily basis. So I braced myself to hear the other side of the story.
Stay Tuned Tomorrow
They've taken the plunge and they are never looking back. Minivan loving moms from across the country speak up and tell us what they love, and why they can't imagine life without their beloved rides.
in | by Ciaran Blumenfeld | Editorial | Permalink |
Tags: Choosing Car, Family Car, Minivan Wars, Minivans, Moms, SUVs
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Previous Reader Opinions...
I don't hate minivans -- they're just not right for our family. We drive a Prius with three kids in the back and a dog in the hatchback. It works for us because our kids are young and we're not driving all over the place -- though before #3 we did drive from CA to OR with all of our luggage and the dog in the back. It's funny what pushes people to get a minivan -- I have friends who needed one before the first kid arrived and those who have waited until the third was on the way.Posted by: kelli | July 14, 2008 7:54 AM
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